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I’ll admit it — I’m a sucker for the movie, Taken. Growing up in the golden age of vigilante films, I can spot a good one when I see it. Taken was a fine exhibition of this genre. One-man wrecking crews like Steven Seagal, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone were once all the rage, seemingly armed with a never-ending arsenal of skills that enabled them to take down entire villages and cities.

These warriors always had a crime to avenge and often very personal ones, at that. This post is not meant to laud action films but rather to help you tap into that indescribable greatness that’s inside of you. Or as Liam Neeson’s character, Bryan Mills would say, “Your very particular set of skills.”

Knowledge is not skill. Knowledge plus ten thousand times is skill. — Shinichi Suzuki

We’ve all acquired our own, “particular set of skills”, from a variety of personal, educational and professional experiences. Bryan Mills’ skills were acquired through — we can only imagine — what was a long, brutal career working for the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA).

Chances are, like me, you’re not a spy. We’re fighting less strenuous battles, but hardly less consequential. In our pursuits, we’re developing skills. We’re thinking deeply about who we want to be and what values that will give to our life and to those we love. We should concentrate maximum energy and effort toward building these skills so they become strengths.

Life Tests Us

There is no innovation and creativity without failure. Period. — Brene Brown

Life isn’t easy, in fact, life often presents us with significant physical, mental, spiritual and emotional challenges. On the spiritual side, we’re tempted in a multitude of ways to live a life that wars with the inner core — the true self — of who we really are.

On the mental, emotional and even physical side, many of us will change jobs, deal with business setbacks and even deal with the personal loss. We have to then manage the awful pain that accompanies those losses. We meet temporary failure pursuing our dreams.

As we keep progressing through life, it only becomes easier to let these difficult experiences define who we are. The path of least resistance emerges as a simple choice for many people. We find ourselves unhappy with our circumstances, and we’re beaten down from setbacks that weaken our willpower and lead to complacency. It becomes easy to give in.

But we must never give in to that which we know is not right for us. We have to live with self-awareness in order to avoid repeating previous mistakes and increase our skill set. Once we have gained the value from our mistakes, triumphs and all experiences, we’re better equipped for anything the future will throw at us.

Complacency is the enemy of achievement. Adversity will stare all of us down, time and time again throughout our lives. The question we continually face will be: “How do we respond?” A wise person once said,

“Your desire to change must be greater than your desire to stay the same.”

Examine Yourself

“Don’t waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour’s duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

As an author, I write about emotional intelligence and having the discipline to build a routine each day that maximizes your talent and skills.

The way to continue evolving and developing your unique, particular set of skills is to strive for improvement every day. You have to have goals in mind for what you want to accomplish. It’s best to view your picture in a holistic manner, taking into account your professional ambitions and skills, as well as the interpersonal and life skills you use each day.

Do you have an idea of what that picture looks like for your life?

Our personal and professional skills can always use a boost. Difficult times test us and shape who we are. Make sure that you let them shape you for the better. I encourage you to write out your current skills in the following four areas of your life:

1) Mental
2) Spiritual
3) Emotional
4) Physical

You’ll be amazed at what you put down on paper when you’re honest with yourself. Once you have written your current state, your mission is to bridge the gap between where you and where you desire to be in the future state.

When I haven’t been happy with my spiritual life, I’ve made it a plan to turn to search my soul and ask myself the difficult questions to understand why there is a lack of peace and harmony in my life. I have turned to my faith, relied on the help of others, but I have also sought time alone in solitude for reflection and contemplation.

When I felt like I was in a rut in my career, I reached out to trusted friends and mentors for advice. I improved my resume, networked ‘like a boss’ and determined what I needed in order to improve my skills. When I was having relationship difficulties or hurting emotionally, I turned to my family and friends for comfort and refuge. Fortunately, they have always had my back.

The Hunger For More

“Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us.” — Samuel Smiles

I’ve watched too many leaders become content with their own arsenal of skills — regardless of comparative depth — and then trudge on, for better or worse, finding whatever satisfaction and success they can. This is no way to live. We should always strive for greater things and empower ourselves through inspiration and the desire to seek greater meaning.

I’ve increasingly developed a burning desire to challenge my experiential status quo and hunger for more. Something more soothing to the soul — more in line with what moves me inside and feels like home. This desire is visualized in my mind — imagined and obsessed over and then put into plan so it will become my reality.

Connecting this bridge between what is imagined and what is actionable will lead to a flourish of excitement and a horizon of new opportunities. It’s a matter of you taking your current state, reconciling it with where you want to be, and determining how to do the work to help you get there in the most efficient way possible.

Along the way, fears and the voice inside our heads will occasionally remind us that we can’t do it. Just remember that you have your current and future state analysis to serve as your guide. When you put in writing what you need to do to find self-fulfillment and happiness, you’ll have a road map that guides and plots your path, when doubts arise.

We're all born with a particular set of skills that we are meant to share with the world. What are yours?

Join my newsletter for emotional intelligence and productivity content! and Check out my Amazon bestseller, Emotional Intelligence for the Modern Leader.

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When we see one of our peers excelling, the first thing that comes to our mind is usually: How did they do that? The best of us admire their accomplishments, but we also crave to get insights into how they did it. We want to know if we can blaze that same trail, and even get their quicker.

Through my years of academic research, working in business and coaching high-achievers, I’ve found that in virtually all circumstances emotional intelligence is the key differentiator for success. Here is some research to back that point up:

“After Motorola provided EI training for staff in a manufacturing plant, the productivity of more than 90 percent of those trained went up (Bruce Cryer, Rollin McCraty, and Doc Childre: “Pull the Plug on Stress,” Harvard Business Review, July 2003).” (Source: Harvard Extension School)

As I’ve written about previously, emotional intelligence is incredibly accessible and easy to apply. It’s a choice all of us can make each day.

We can all become more empathetic and better listeners.

We can all build time into our day to think deeper about our thoughts, the way we feel, and how those feelings affect our mood and actions.

We can all adapt to any new circumstance that we face — we just need the willpower and the understanding to recognize the stimuli we face, and how to react.

A great example of this is navigating the always-changing social media landscape here in late 2020. Look at the success of TikTok — now is likely the best time to “ride the wave” of success that this app is experiencing. Instagram and LinkedIn are still enjoying huge popularity, but less so these days for Facebook. You have to know when to adapt — whether to stay the course or change things up.

Self-awareness informs our entrepreneurial decisions. I’ve found this is crucial when determining what I’m doing well, what I enjoy, and what I should focus more of my energy on. We can’t do everything — or at least if we truly, we won’t do everything well. So it’s best when we’re constantly self-evaluating and having the awareness to know what we do well, and what we’re best to leave behind.

Here are four ways that emotionally intelligent people achieve life-changing success, and how you can do the same:

1. Use ADVERSITY to Your Advantage

After any loss, mistake, failure, it’s absolutely critical we evaluate that experience and determine why, how and most importantly what we can now do about it. Like every great entrepreneur, athlete or startup founder, we need to tweak, make adjustments and learn from what we just did. This is time think creatively and to self-analyze.

This is time to prepare, overcome and build resilience.

Take this on how children cope with adversity from the Center for the Developing Child at Harvard University:

“Children who do well in the face of significant hardship typically show some degree of natural resistance to adversity and strong relationships with the important adults in their family and community. Indeed, it is this interaction between biology and environment that builds the capacities to cope with adversity and overcome threats to healthy development.”

It’s not time to beat ourselves up or criticize ourselves harshly. It truly is about using emotional intelligence to build resilience in the face of adversity. We all need to get smarter, wiser and more adaptable to advance forward onto the next dream, goal, task or opportunity. You’ll learn a lot about yourself and you’ll make your greatest strides once you begin to use adversity to your advantage.

2. Visualize the Win

Visualization is about seeing the Win. Visualize what you’re doing and color those thoughts with positive emotions. This takes a lot of self-awareness, and it also takes an optimistic, positive outlook to see good. Not everyone does this. People who lack self-awareness simply jump right in without a plan.

Visualization is about recognizing our emotions, imbuing our thoughts with positive energy and seeing the success, and then launching forward.

See yourself standing in the winner’s circle, paint that mental picture like you’re Picasso. Get descriptive, get specific and use your creative imagination by writing it down and turning this into something that is actionable.

3. Mastery Overcoming Stress

A major component of emotional intelligence is the ability to successfully process emotional and social stress. When we’re taking on too much stress, and worse — not even recognizing it, this can dramatically affect our productivity and overall well-being. As Daniel Goleman writes,

“When people are under stress, surges in the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol strongly affect their reasoning and cognition. At low levels, cortisol facilitates thinking and other mental functions, so well-timed pressure to perform and targeted critiques of subordinates certainly have their place.” Source: HBR

So, how do you overcome stress? Try these three things:

• Adopt a meditation practice. This works wonder for reflection, self-awareness, mindfulness and relieving stress
• Dedicate time to solitude for yourself, but also consciously plan time to spend around people that bring out the best in you and get you feeling good about yourself. If that’s not your family or friends, then find a local activity or group to get involved in
• Read a great book like Mindset by Carol Dweck, or perhaps even a book on building your foundation like The Value of You.

4. Add Empathy to Every Relationship

When you look to build relationships, lead with empathy. Empathy is:

“The capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, i.e., the capacity to place oneself in another’s position.”

Empathy is intrinsically self-giving and generous in nature. Genuinely seek to give, rather than to take for yourself. If you build relationships with a positive, authentic mindset and way of giving, you will find a loving, appreciative return. Lead with empathy — this helps in marketing, sales, business, friendships, attracting the life partner you want, and in every relationship.

As I write in Emotional Intelligence for the Modern Leader:

“When you begin each day, as you think about your goals, dreams, and ambitions, take the time to give thanks for the colleagues you have. Think about one way you can help someone and be willing to listen.”

Concluding Thoughts

You can improve your mindset and opportunities with emotional intelligence. You must be willing to adapt and make sense of your experiences in order to move forward. Focus on empathy, self-awareness and self-care and you’re well on your way to happiness, fulfillment and success.

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“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control.” — Elizabeth Gilbert

While you may find it tough to feel inspired each day, it’s far from impossible. In fact, all it takes is some routine, discipline and consistency to build a daily life that yields results and happiness. I find that the evening and early morning hours are great for planning and refocusing our priorities. Some of my best ideas, as well as my most productive planning and actions have taken place in the early morning hours.

In fact, the majority of the writing that I did for my first book, The Value of You, occurred during the wintertime. It was a special time I’ll never forget.

In this vein, I urge you to develop an inspirational routine each morning. It may come through the power of meditation, prayer, genuine heartfelt interaction with those that you love or from your favorite song. It could be a video that plays back the piano recital you played to perfection that brought the house down.

It may be the words of this article or a book you find so profound and hold in such high esteem, you get the chills before opening the pages.

Develop your routine. I’ll show you what works for me and how you can integrate this into your life. Here we go:

Here’s How to Develop Your Routine

“Great are they who see that spiritual is stronger than any material force — that thoughts rule the world.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Make your routine an every day thing. As I’ve climbed the mountain of productivity over the past several years, I realize that I never want to come down. The ascension — the journey — has been a magical ride and it reassures me that all of my progress toward self-actualization, as well as greater harmony and rhythm in living the life of my destiny has been worth the pain and occasional doubts. Start with these five things: 

1. Dedicate 10 minutes of contemplation time, ideally, at the beginning of each day. This sets the tone for your day and gets you feeling inspired

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2. Use this time alone in solitude, in a quiet place. Focus your thoughts on positive, stimulating thoughts such as: achieving a big goal, making a difference in someone's life and the love you have for family. There’s tremendous power that comes through dreaming and seeing yourself standing “in the winner’s circle.”

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3. Get these positive thoughts going and keep them going. Write down these thoughts that come to mind. Keep referring back to them throughout your work day or school day. Think of them when you’re out in the social world, during moments of difficulty or times of joy. Look at them again before you go to bed at night and reset your mind. Then rest and get read for the new day with excitement, anticipation and a clear mind for fresh, new thoughts.

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4/ Get up, walk around and recharge your battery. No matter how hard you’re willing to work or how disciplined you are, you will find that you need to recharge and reboot. The best way to do this is to change your setting by changing your perspective. Clear your mind, go run a quick errand, take a brief walk. Then, think about how excited you are to start again.

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5. Have high expectations for results, but make sure that your expectations match your attitude and effort. Trust me — this one is last for a reason. To avoid disappointment and letdowns (the exact opposite of sustaining inspiration!), don’t expect great things if you’re not willing to put in the time. Invest your time wisely. Focus, act with confidence and eliminate distractions. This is how you build momentum!

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Your Journey

Where are you on your journey? Are you struggling at the moment? Do you see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel — the end-vision of your goal? And if you do, are you running into road blocks of creativity? What are your mental challenges? What are your emotional battles?

Perhaps your path is as open as the Pacific Coast Highway at sunset in Laguna Beach. Maybe it’s a Midtown Manhattan traffic jam. It’s all a state of mind. We need inspiration to help us create the beautiful landscapes of limitless possibility in our mind that serve as the foundation for our magical journeys.

You are the creator of your world. When you are safe in the knowledge that you control your worldly destiny, nothing will ever stop you. Those with a winning mindset are never denied. They inspire themselves to achieve great things.

The way to cultivate and build momentum — which you can then transform into empowered thought and constructive action is through inspiration — the power of “fire” that lifts your spirit and brings you unbridled enthusiasm. Be inspired everyday.

What has become truer for me by the day is the concept that we control our own destiny through the power of our thoughts. We emotionalize our ideas with the power of love, faith and hope. We take these thoughts and envision ourselves doing what we desire. And we put it into plan and take the action that we’ve dreamed of. It really is that simple. Do this and you will never be denied.

There is no shame in any idea, as long as you believe in it and feel it will add value to your life and the lives of others. Don’t concern yourself with the ingenuity of your idea. Your race, your cause is the one that speaks to the desires and dreams of your heart. That’s what makes you unique and special.

Be inspired. Enjoy this incredible time in your life and take some time for yourself to develop a routine that positions you for fulfillment and productivity. As St.Francis of Asisi once wrote, “Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”

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20 years ago, a sports movie called, Any Given Sunday opened with a whole lot of audacity, and to largely mixed reviews. The big-budget film starring Al Pacino, Jamie Foxx, and many big Hollywood stars and former pro athletes, made good money at the box office. But it wasn’t quite the epic, behind-the-scenes look at the, well, kinda scary world of pro football that its directors had hoped for.

The movie’s lasting impact is a speech that has transcended sports cinema and become a powerful mantra for living espoused by millions of people. The speech is delivered by Pacino’s character, Tony D’Amato, who is the head coach of the fictional Miami Sharks.

A broken down, weathered Pacino is addressing his team before the biggest game of their season. The longtime coach very humbly shares his personal disappointments, and how he’s let all of the people down in his life that he’s loved.

Yikes. Not exactly setting up as the best motivational speech!

But the turn it takes from there is a lesson we can all take in becoming more productive in our careers. I wanted to share it with you now, and hope its message could resonate and positively impact you.

Pacino goes on to share his brilliant opening to the heart of the speech:

“Life’s this game of inches… the inches we need are everywhere around us. They’re in every break of the game, every minute, every second…”

His point in setting this up is truly a masterpiece lesson in self-awareness, one of the bedrock, foundational elements of emotional intelligence. The opportunity to awaken our senses to the fact that the greatest advances in life start “local.” We can begin to do great things right where we are! He then adds:

“Because we know when we add up all those inches, that’s going to make the difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying!”

A little dramatic? I used to think so. And heck, I guess in some ways I still do. But, there’s so much truth and power in his speech. Heart and Soul. There are so many things all of us can take away. Here are a few:

What I’ve learned about being an entrepreneur has provided me with a wealth of life lessons. Nothing good ever comes easy. The “hard” part of things may seem frustrating in that moment. But (to borrow from another sports movie) as Tom Hanks famously said in the classic, A League of Their Own:

“The Hard is what makes it great.”

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Success Comes from Consistency

True success and fulfillment isn’t a one-size fits all approach. It’s not just one thing. It’s literally hundreds- and later, thousands and thousands of things that add up into the composite picture we see. And as Al Pacino would tell you, we get there inch by inch.

It’s a sobering, frustrating, YET exhilarating truth. Why would something so great (the life and career we truly want!) ever come easy? The inches are accumulated every day.

Where we lose is thinking that each inch is something much bigger than just one inch. When we think that inch is more like a mile.

We lose when we think one inch is something we shouldn’t bother with. That it’s a negligible, meaningless detail.

We lose with temptations to take shortcuts.

We lose thinking that these inches are below us- that they’re a waste of our time.

When we ignore the inches, we put off progress. We may not take a step back, but we sure as heck don’t take a step forward. So we stay in the same spot. And in so many ways, that’s actually worse than going backwards.

At least when we go backwards, we can learn from our mistakes. Staying stuck in neutral is the most surefire way to lose in life. That’s indecision. That’s the wrong lane, my friend.

As Pacino says, the inches are all around us. The opportunity to go out and meet a co-worker or business contact for lunch.

The opportunity to send that one email that you’ve been dying to send (but you’ve been afraid to). The friendship that you should rekindle, were it not for your foolish pride. The chance to help someone in need that could wholeheartedly benefit from your kindness and generosity. That ripple effect could change not just someone else’s life (and probably many others), but it could magnificently change your own.

Life truly is this crazy game of inches. I’ve seen in my own life how positively I’ve reacted to simply doing the very best that I can every day with maximum effort and the best, positive attitude I can muster. The success I’ve experienced and the success my clients have experienced comes from being the absolute best we can be. It’s come from consistency.

It’s come- not from thinking I can be and do everything I want in one day, week or month…. but rather from realizing that I must plan and set goals, and I must focus on the process of inches every day. It’s paying huge dividends.

My friend, as you look out on this new month, I encourage you to focus on the inches in front of you every day. By all means, see the big picture and set life-changing goals. But make progress every day.

Do everything you can for that inch. Keep getting more inches. Keep going and re-evaluating, then keep going some more. Pretty soon, all those inches will add up.

Imagine where you’ll be then.

Follow on my journey and learn more: http://chrisdconnors.com

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The test all of us must pass is that of living our truth. It’s a test we must keep passing each day. Emotional intelligence helps us to live an authentic life.

Are you ready for the test? It’s the same one that life keeps handing us each day. Some days, you may notice it more closely than others. Other times, it’s more subtle.

But it’s there. The test isn’t really a challenge that the world is going to see. Only you will know it. More than know it, you’ll feel it in your bones.

It will test your emotions, thoughts and even your physical well-being. When you feel its honesty, you’ll struggle to focus; you’ll tremble, not in fear, but in awe because you know it’s revealing your character and fortitude.

The test is going to determine whether you’re ready to pass or fail; sink or swim. It’s going to disclose whether you’re ready to survive and advance to the next level, even if you’re not even sure where that next level is yet.

The test seems to get harder and more intense when you’re getting closer to reaching the goals and dreams that you’ve always wanted.

The biggest mistake you can make is giving in to the temptation that it’s “too hard” — because then you will fail.

The test will break your will — if you let it.

You always have a choice. It’s never, ever too hard. It’s a matter of how prepared you are, and whether you have the imagination and persistence to tackle it with intelligence and grace.

The test will tempt you. It will aim to bend your spirit. To leave you flustered.

The test will not dare you to move. It will relish you staying put. Still. Hoping to stun you and get you to function from a position of fear.

The test will make life seem blurry. It can steal your clarity. Our best ideas never come during this time. Rather, the negative side of things is in crystal-clear view.

The test is deceptive and hidden, yet the more astutely you observe its patterns, the more you open your senses to revealing its true face.

The truth is — if we want to be who we know we can be, we’re going to need to pass this test many times in life. There’s always an opportunity for redemption.

There’s always another chance. It all depends on how your mind’s eye sees it. Peak performance and getting what you want doesn’t come overnight.

It comes with consistency, discipline and hard work. It is formed with a strategy that is rooted in faith.

At its core, is a depth of knowledge, hope and love that is pure and true. Its purity is rich with all that makes you unique, special and human.

All that is deep inside of you that is yearning to give freely.

LIFE IS A TEST

You will be tested over and over again.

It’s to determine how you’ll handle things emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically for when the really great opportunities come your way.

The test is less about proving and more about being. The test is there to help you sustain the gains you know you can achieve for when they come, so that you will never surrender them to the grip of defeat.

The test all of us must pass is that of living our truth. It’s a test we must keep passing each day.

It’s written in the stars. It’s in our DNA. It’s who we truly are. It’s called integrity.

When you’re there, with the sunlight shining on your face, you’re the only person in the world that truly knows how magical that feels. Own that moment like only you can.

It’s the moment you’ve stripped yourself bare and kept only that which matters most, and eliminated all that must be left behind.

Unfettered. Uncompromised. Free.

It is there that you can truly live your destiny. Time and time again.

Reach out to me if you're looking to take your life and career to its peak potential: http://chrisdconnors.com

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