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When we see one of our peers excelling, the first thing that comes to our mind is usually: How did they do that? The best of us admire their accomplishments, but we also crave to get insights into how they did it. We want to know if we can blaze that same trail, and even get their quicker.

Through my years of academic research, working in business and coaching high-achievers, I’ve found that in virtually all circumstances emotional intelligence is the key differentiator for success. Here is some research to back that point up:

“After Motorola provided EI training for staff in a manufacturing plant, the productivity of more than 90 percent of those trained went up (Bruce Cryer, Rollin McCraty, and Doc Childre: “Pull the Plug on Stress,” Harvard Business Review, July 2003).” (Source: Harvard Extension School)

As I’ve written about previously, emotional intelligence is incredibly accessible and easy to apply. It’s a choice all of us can make each day.

We can all become more empathetic and better listeners.

We can all build time into our day to think deeper about our thoughts, the way we feel, and how those feelings affect our mood and actions.

We can all adapt to any new circumstance that we face — we just need the willpower and the understanding to recognize the stimuli we face, and how to react.

A great example of this is navigating the always-changing social media landscape here in late 2020. Look at the success of TikTok — now is likely the best time to “ride the wave” of success that this app is experiencing. Instagram and LinkedIn are still enjoying huge popularity, but less so these days for Facebook. You have to know when to adapt — whether to stay the course or change things up.

Self-awareness informs our entrepreneurial decisions. I’ve found this is crucial when determining what I’m doing well, what I enjoy, and what I should focus more of my energy on. We can’t do everything — or at least if we truly, we won’t do everything well. So it’s best when we’re constantly self-evaluating and having the awareness to know what we do well, and what we’re best to leave behind.

Here are four ways that emotionally intelligent people achieve life-changing success, and how you can do the same:

1. Use ADVERSITY to Your Advantage

After any loss, mistake, failure, it’s absolutely critical we evaluate that experience and determine why, how and most importantly what we can now do about it. Like every great entrepreneur, athlete or startup founder, we need to tweak, make adjustments and learn from what we just did. This is time think creatively and to self-analyze.

This is time to prepare, overcome and build resilience.

Take this on how children cope with adversity from the Center for the Developing Child at Harvard University:

“Children who do well in the face of significant hardship typically show some degree of natural resistance to adversity and strong relationships with the important adults in their family and community. Indeed, it is this interaction between biology and environment that builds the capacities to cope with adversity and overcome threats to healthy development.”

It’s not time to beat ourselves up or criticize ourselves harshly. It truly is about using emotional intelligence to build resilience in the face of adversity. We all need to get smarter, wiser and more adaptable to advance forward onto the next dream, goal, task or opportunity. You’ll learn a lot about yourself and you’ll make your greatest strides once you begin to use adversity to your advantage.

2. Visualize the Win

Visualization is about seeing the Win. Visualize what you’re doing and color those thoughts with positive emotions. This takes a lot of self-awareness, and it also takes an optimistic, positive outlook to see good. Not everyone does this. People who lack self-awareness simply jump right in without a plan.

Visualization is about recognizing our emotions, imbuing our thoughts with positive energy and seeing the success, and then launching forward.

See yourself standing in the winner’s circle, paint that mental picture like you’re Picasso. Get descriptive, get specific and use your creative imagination by writing it down and turning this into something that is actionable.

3. Mastery Overcoming Stress

A major component of emotional intelligence is the ability to successfully process emotional and social stress. When we’re taking on too much stress, and worse — not even recognizing it, this can dramatically affect our productivity and overall well-being. As Daniel Goleman writes,

“When people are under stress, surges in the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol strongly affect their reasoning and cognition. At low levels, cortisol facilitates thinking and other mental functions, so well-timed pressure to perform and targeted critiques of subordinates certainly have their place.” Source: HBR

So, how do you overcome stress? Try these three things:

• Adopt a meditation practice. This works wonder for reflection, self-awareness, mindfulness and relieving stress
• Dedicate time to solitude for yourself, but also consciously plan time to spend around people that bring out the best in you and get you feeling good about yourself. If that’s not your family or friends, then find a local activity or group to get involved in
• Read a great book like Mindset by Carol Dweck, or perhaps even a book on building your foundation like The Value of You.

4. Add Empathy to Every Relationship

When you look to build relationships, lead with empathy. Empathy is:

“The capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, i.e., the capacity to place oneself in another’s position.”

Empathy is intrinsically self-giving and generous in nature. Genuinely seek to give, rather than to take for yourself. If you build relationships with a positive, authentic mindset and way of giving, you will find a loving, appreciative return. Lead with empathy — this helps in marketing, sales, business, friendships, attracting the life partner you want, and in every relationship.

As I write in Emotional Intelligence for the Modern Leader:

“When you begin each day, as you think about your goals, dreams, and ambitions, take the time to give thanks for the colleagues you have. Think about one way you can help someone and be willing to listen.”

Concluding Thoughts

You can improve your mindset and opportunities with emotional intelligence. You must be willing to adapt and make sense of your experiences in order to move forward. Focus on empathy, self-awareness and self-care and you’re well on your way to happiness, fulfillment and success.

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“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control.” — Elizabeth Gilbert

While you may find it tough to feel inspired each day, it’s far from impossible. In fact, all it takes is some routine, discipline and consistency to build a daily life that yields results and happiness. I find that the evening and early morning hours are great for planning and refocusing our priorities. Some of my best ideas, as well as my most productive planning and actions have taken place in the early morning hours.

In fact, the majority of the writing that I did for my first book, The Value of You, occurred during the wintertime. It was a special time I’ll never forget.

In this vein, I urge you to develop an inspirational routine each morning. It may come through the power of meditation, prayer, genuine heartfelt interaction with those that you love or from your favorite song. It could be a video that plays back the piano recital you played to perfection that brought the house down.

It may be the words of this article or a book you find so profound and hold in such high esteem, you get the chills before opening the pages.

Develop your routine. I’ll show you what works for me and how you can integrate this into your life. Here we go:

Here’s How to Develop Your Routine

“Great are they who see that spiritual is stronger than any material force — that thoughts rule the world.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Make your routine an every day thing. As I’ve climbed the mountain of productivity over the past several years, I realize that I never want to come down. The ascension — the journey — has been a magical ride and it reassures me that all of my progress toward self-actualization, as well as greater harmony and rhythm in living the life of my destiny has been worth the pain and occasional doubts. Start with these five things: 

1. Dedicate 10 minutes of contemplation time, ideally, at the beginning of each day. This sets the tone for your day and gets you feeling inspired

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2. Use this time alone in solitude, in a quiet place. Focus your thoughts on positive, stimulating thoughts such as: achieving a big goal, making a difference in someone's life and the love you have for family. There’s tremendous power that comes through dreaming and seeing yourself standing “in the winner’s circle.”

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3. Get these positive thoughts going and keep them going. Write down these thoughts that come to mind. Keep referring back to them throughout your work day or school day. Think of them when you’re out in the social world, during moments of difficulty or times of joy. Look at them again before you go to bed at night and reset your mind. Then rest and get read for the new day with excitement, anticipation and a clear mind for fresh, new thoughts.

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4/ Get up, walk around and recharge your battery. No matter how hard you’re willing to work or how disciplined you are, you will find that you need to recharge and reboot. The best way to do this is to change your setting by changing your perspective. Clear your mind, go run a quick errand, take a brief walk. Then, think about how excited you are to start again.

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5. Have high expectations for results, but make sure that your expectations match your attitude and effort. Trust me — this one is last for a reason. To avoid disappointment and letdowns (the exact opposite of sustaining inspiration!), don’t expect great things if you’re not willing to put in the time. Invest your time wisely. Focus, act with confidence and eliminate distractions. This is how you build momentum!

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Your Journey

Where are you on your journey? Are you struggling at the moment? Do you see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel — the end-vision of your goal? And if you do, are you running into road blocks of creativity? What are your mental challenges? What are your emotional battles?

Perhaps your path is as open as the Pacific Coast Highway at sunset in Laguna Beach. Maybe it’s a Midtown Manhattan traffic jam. It’s all a state of mind. We need inspiration to help us create the beautiful landscapes of limitless possibility in our mind that serve as the foundation for our magical journeys.

You are the creator of your world. When you are safe in the knowledge that you control your worldly destiny, nothing will ever stop you. Those with a winning mindset are never denied. They inspire themselves to achieve great things.

The way to cultivate and build momentum — which you can then transform into empowered thought and constructive action is through inspiration — the power of “fire” that lifts your spirit and brings you unbridled enthusiasm. Be inspired everyday.

What has become truer for me by the day is the concept that we control our own destiny through the power of our thoughts. We emotionalize our ideas with the power of love, faith and hope. We take these thoughts and envision ourselves doing what we desire. And we put it into plan and take the action that we’ve dreamed of. It really is that simple. Do this and you will never be denied.

There is no shame in any idea, as long as you believe in it and feel it will add value to your life and the lives of others. Don’t concern yourself with the ingenuity of your idea. Your race, your cause is the one that speaks to the desires and dreams of your heart. That’s what makes you unique and special.

Be inspired. Enjoy this incredible time in your life and take some time for yourself to develop a routine that positions you for fulfillment and productivity. As St.Francis of Asisi once wrote, “Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”

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20 years ago, a sports movie called, Any Given Sunday opened with a whole lot of audacity, and to largely mixed reviews. The big-budget film starring Al Pacino, Jamie Foxx, and many big Hollywood stars and former pro athletes, made good money at the box office. But it wasn’t quite the epic, behind-the-scenes look at the, well, kinda scary world of pro football that its directors had hoped for.

The movie’s lasting impact is a speech that has transcended sports cinema and become a powerful mantra for living espoused by millions of people. The speech is delivered by Pacino’s character, Tony D’Amato, who is the head coach of the fictional Miami Sharks.

A broken down, weathered Pacino is addressing his team before the biggest game of their season. The longtime coach very humbly shares his personal disappointments, and how he’s let all of the people down in his life that he’s loved.

Yikes. Not exactly setting up as the best motivational speech!

But the turn it takes from there is a lesson we can all take in becoming more productive in our careers. I wanted to share it with you now, and hope its message could resonate and positively impact you.

Pacino goes on to share his brilliant opening to the heart of the speech:

“Life’s this game of inches… the inches we need are everywhere around us. They’re in every break of the game, every minute, every second…”

His point in setting this up is truly a masterpiece lesson in self-awareness, one of the bedrock, foundational elements of emotional intelligence. The opportunity to awaken our senses to the fact that the greatest advances in life start “local.” We can begin to do great things right where we are! He then adds:

“Because we know when we add up all those inches, that’s going to make the difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying!”

A little dramatic? I used to think so. And heck, I guess in some ways I still do. But, there’s so much truth and power in his speech. Heart and Soul. There are so many things all of us can take away. Here are a few:

What I’ve learned about being an entrepreneur has provided me with a wealth of life lessons. Nothing good ever comes easy. The “hard” part of things may seem frustrating in that moment. But (to borrow from another sports movie) as Tom Hanks famously said in the classic, A League of Their Own:

“The Hard is what makes it great.”

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Success Comes from Consistency

True success and fulfillment isn’t a one-size fits all approach. It’s not just one thing. It’s literally hundreds- and later, thousands and thousands of things that add up into the composite picture we see. And as Al Pacino would tell you, we get there inch by inch.

It’s a sobering, frustrating, YET exhilarating truth. Why would something so great (the life and career we truly want!) ever come easy? The inches are accumulated every day.

Where we lose is thinking that each inch is something much bigger than just one inch. When we think that inch is more like a mile.

We lose when we think one inch is something we shouldn’t bother with. That it’s a negligible, meaningless detail.

We lose with temptations to take shortcuts.

We lose thinking that these inches are below us- that they’re a waste of our time.

When we ignore the inches, we put off progress. We may not take a step back, but we sure as heck don’t take a step forward. So we stay in the same spot. And in so many ways, that’s actually worse than going backwards.

At least when we go backwards, we can learn from our mistakes. Staying stuck in neutral is the most surefire way to lose in life. That’s indecision. That’s the wrong lane, my friend.

As Pacino says, the inches are all around us. The opportunity to go out and meet a co-worker or business contact for lunch.

The opportunity to send that one email that you’ve been dying to send (but you’ve been afraid to). The friendship that you should rekindle, were it not for your foolish pride. The chance to help someone in need that could wholeheartedly benefit from your kindness and generosity. That ripple effect could change not just someone else’s life (and probably many others), but it could magnificently change your own.

Life truly is this crazy game of inches. I’ve seen in my own life how positively I’ve reacted to simply doing the very best that I can every day with maximum effort and the best, positive attitude I can muster. The success I’ve experienced and the success my clients have experienced comes from being the absolute best we can be. It’s come from consistency.

It’s come- not from thinking I can be and do everything I want in one day, week or month…. but rather from realizing that I must plan and set goals, and I must focus on the process of inches every day. It’s paying huge dividends.

My friend, as you look out on this new month, I encourage you to focus on the inches in front of you every day. By all means, see the big picture and set life-changing goals. But make progress every day.

Do everything you can for that inch. Keep getting more inches. Keep going and re-evaluating, then keep going some more. Pretty soon, all those inches will add up.

Imagine where you’ll be then.

Follow on my journey and learn more: http://chrisdconnors.com

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The test all of us must pass is that of living our truth. It’s a test we must keep passing each day. Emotional intelligence helps us to live an authentic life.

Are you ready for the test? It’s the same one that life keeps handing us each day. Some days, you may notice it more closely than others. Other times, it’s more subtle.

But it’s there. The test isn’t really a challenge that the world is going to see. Only you will know it. More than know it, you’ll feel it in your bones.

It will test your emotions, thoughts and even your physical well-being. When you feel its honesty, you’ll struggle to focus; you’ll tremble, not in fear, but in awe because you know it’s revealing your character and fortitude.

The test is going to determine whether you’re ready to pass or fail; sink or swim. It’s going to disclose whether you’re ready to survive and advance to the next level, even if you’re not even sure where that next level is yet.

The test seems to get harder and more intense when you’re getting closer to reaching the goals and dreams that you’ve always wanted.

The biggest mistake you can make is giving in to the temptation that it’s “too hard” — because then you will fail.

The test will break your will — if you let it.

You always have a choice. It’s never, ever too hard. It’s a matter of how prepared you are, and whether you have the imagination and persistence to tackle it with intelligence and grace.

The test will tempt you. It will aim to bend your spirit. To leave you flustered.

The test will not dare you to move. It will relish you staying put. Still. Hoping to stun you and get you to function from a position of fear.

The test will make life seem blurry. It can steal your clarity. Our best ideas never come during this time. Rather, the negative side of things is in crystal-clear view.

The test is deceptive and hidden, yet the more astutely you observe its patterns, the more you open your senses to revealing its true face.

The truth is — if we want to be who we know we can be, we’re going to need to pass this test many times in life. There’s always an opportunity for redemption.

There’s always another chance. It all depends on how your mind’s eye sees it. Peak performance and getting what you want doesn’t come overnight.

It comes with consistency, discipline and hard work. It is formed with a strategy that is rooted in faith.

At its core, is a depth of knowledge, hope and love that is pure and true. Its purity is rich with all that makes you unique, special and human.

All that is deep inside of you that is yearning to give freely.

LIFE IS A TEST

You will be tested over and over again.

It’s to determine how you’ll handle things emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically for when the really great opportunities come your way.

The test is less about proving and more about being. The test is there to help you sustain the gains you know you can achieve for when they come, so that you will never surrender them to the grip of defeat.

The test all of us must pass is that of living our truth. It’s a test we must keep passing each day.

It’s written in the stars. It’s in our DNA. It’s who we truly are. It’s called integrity.

When you’re there, with the sunlight shining on your face, you’re the only person in the world that truly knows how magical that feels. Own that moment like only you can.

It’s the moment you’ve stripped yourself bare and kept only that which matters most, and eliminated all that must be left behind.

Unfettered. Uncompromised. Free.

It is there that you can truly live your destiny. Time and time again.

Reach out to me if you're looking to take your life and career to its peak potential: http://chrisdconnors.com

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It’s incredible how many people are so afraid to begin again. To try something new. To (gasp) start over. For so many people, starting over means that we’ve failed. That we’ve lost time. It’s easy to think that starting over is an admission of guilt — an outcome that suggests we should start blaming and beating ourselves up over all of our transgressions, mistakes and efforts.

But why?

Starting over is not a bad thing. It may be the best move you ever make, particularly when you know in your heart you’re on the wrong track. But also, when life throws adversity and challenging circumstances our way.

Let’s face it — COVID-19 has dealt all of us a challenging hand. We must adapt and learn what we need to succeed in this ever-changing economy, or we will be left behind. The lessons to learn are all around us. They require that we change.

Because continuing doing the same thing, for the sake of comfort or fear of change, is further compounding a move in the wrong direction. Some of the most successful people we know today started over — and it made all the difference.

“Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it, begin it now.“ — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

From Teaching to Media

Jonah Peretti started out teaching high school computer science during the mid-90s for several years. He decided that he wanted to keep learning and try something new. Peretti attended graduate school at MIT and began growing and learning about new ideas. His big break came in a very odd way — an email that he sent to friends about a hilarious exchange with a Nike worker went viral and got him an appearance on NBC’s Today Show.

Peretti brought light to the sweatshop conditions that many Nike workers toil in. His move caught the eye of Ariana Huffington and Ken Lerer. Those three, along with Andrew Breitbart, went on to found the Huffington Post several years later — yes, the digital media news and opinion website that he later had a hand in selling to AOL for a staggering $315 Million.

But he wasn’t done there. Peretti moved on to found BuzzFeed, the Internet company that plays a massive role in the digital journalism world. He concentrated his energy into journalism and media, even after starting in a completely different career. He wanted something new, and he started from scratch, building for himself an incredible opportunity.

A New Business for Lawyers Who Had it All

Tim and Nina Zagat were highly successful corporate lawyers in the 1960s and ’70s, leading the lives of high-profile attorneys in New York City. While content practicing law, the two also shared a love of food and namely, fine restaurants. They later accepted jobs in Paris and started to frequent restaurants, offering up their critiques and using these to help guide them to future culinary options.

What started as a hobby (as it so often does) became an obsession and a great business idea. What about taking their passion for food and converting this into a business for a rating guide of restaurants? With that idea, a new venture was born. The Zagats started to concentrate their energy into scaling their new business and making millions of dollars in the process.

Their family, friends, colleagues and industry mates must have thought they were insane. Since when do Ivy Leaguers walk away from a lucrative, highly admired career to give something far less certain of a shot? Well as it turns out, the Zagat’s are who! And boy did it pay off. Chances are you’ve received a restaurant recommendation thanks to their easy-to-navigate guide.

Both the Zagat’s and Jonah Peretti decided to start over. They didn’t give up. They didn’t fail. They wanted to try something new and pursue their passion. They did it to the tune of millions and an incredible new career that was probably beyond even their wildest dreams.

Make Your Move

Whether it’s your career or a personal venture, the cost of staying stuck where you are when you know you’re on the wrong track can be incredibly damaging. This happens in personal relationships and jobs, and even when dealing with stress, anxiety or dissatisfaction with our physical appearance. Fear can cripple us if we let it, even when we know we’d be far better suited to starting over.

Sometimes, going in the direction of doing something dynamic and bold is right, even if we don’t yet know all the steps of how to get to that dream or goal. Go and take a shot, even if you don’t know how. I turn to Elon Musk in times like these: “When something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favour.”

Be willing to admit you’re on the wrong track. Don’t be afraid to change and learn something new, while still leaning on your skills. Be prepared to start over if you feel you have more significant, bolder challenges ahead of you. Don’t stay stuck. Move on and figure out what it will take to design the life you deserve.

Looking for more? Check out details on my books and consider subscribing to my newsletter where I share personal development resources with over 10,000 people every week.

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