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20 years ago, a sports movie called, Any Given Sunday opened with a whole lot of audacity, and to largely mixed reviews. The big-budget film starring Al Pacino, Jamie Foxx, and many big Hollywood stars and former pro athletes, made good money at the box office. But it wasn’t quite the epic, behind-the-scenes look at the, well, kinda scary world of pro football that its directors had hoped for.

The movie’s lasting impact is a speech that has transcended sports cinema and become a powerful mantra for living espoused by millions of people. The speech is delivered by Pacino’s character, Tony D’Amato, who is the head coach of the fictional Miami Sharks.

A broken down, weathered Pacino is addressing his team before the biggest game of their season. The longtime coach very humbly shares his personal disappointments, and how he’s let all of the people down in his life that he’s loved.

Yikes. Not exactly setting up as the best motivational speech!

But the turn it takes from there is a lesson we can all take in becoming more productive in our careers. I wanted to share it with you now, and hope its message could resonate and positively impact you.

Pacino goes on to share his brilliant opening to the heart of the speech:

“Life’s this game of inches… the inches we need are everywhere around us. They’re in every break of the game, every minute, every second…”

His point in setting this up is truly a masterpiece lesson in self-awareness, one of the bedrock, foundational elements of emotional intelligence. The opportunity to awaken our senses to the fact that the greatest advances in life start “local.” We can begin to do great things right where we are! He then adds:

“Because we know when we add up all those inches, that’s going to make the difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying!”

A little dramatic? I used to think so. And heck, I guess in some ways I still do. But, there’s so much truth and power in his speech. Heart and Soul. There are so many things all of us can take away. Here are a few:

What I’ve learned about being an entrepreneur has provided me with a wealth of life lessons. Nothing good ever comes easy. The “hard” part of things may seem frustrating in that moment. But (to borrow from another sports movie) as Tom Hanks famously said in the classic, A League of Their Own:

“The Hard is what makes it great.”

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Success Comes from Consistency

True success and fulfillment isn’t a one-size fits all approach. It’s not just one thing. It’s literally hundreds- and later, thousands and thousands of things that add up into the composite picture we see. And as Al Pacino would tell you, we get there inch by inch.

It’s a sobering, frustrating, YET exhilarating truth. Why would something so great (the life and career we truly want!) ever come easy? The inches are accumulated every day.

Where we lose is thinking that each inch is something much bigger than just one inch. When we think that inch is more like a mile.

We lose when we think one inch is something we shouldn’t bother with. That it’s a negligible, meaningless detail.

We lose with temptations to take shortcuts.

We lose thinking that these inches are below us- that they’re a waste of our time.

When we ignore the inches, we put off progress. We may not take a step back, but we sure as heck don’t take a step forward. So we stay in the same spot. And in so many ways, that’s actually worse than going backwards.

At least when we go backwards, we can learn from our mistakes. Staying stuck in neutral is the most surefire way to lose in life. That’s indecision. That’s the wrong lane, my friend.

As Pacino says, the inches are all around us. The opportunity to go out and meet a co-worker or business contact for lunch.

The opportunity to send that one email that you’ve been dying to send (but you’ve been afraid to). The friendship that you should rekindle, were it not for your foolish pride. The chance to help someone in need that could wholeheartedly benefit from your kindness and generosity. That ripple effect could change not just someone else’s life (and probably many others), but it could magnificently change your own.

Life truly is this crazy game of inches. I’ve seen in my own life how positively I’ve reacted to simply doing the very best that I can every day with maximum effort and the best, positive attitude I can muster. The success I’ve experienced and the success my clients have experienced comes from being the absolute best we can be. It’s come from consistency.

It’s come- not from thinking I can be and do everything I want in one day, week or month…. but rather from realizing that I must plan and set goals, and I must focus on the process of inches every day. It’s paying huge dividends.

My friend, as you look out on this new month, I encourage you to focus on the inches in front of you every day. By all means, see the big picture and set life-changing goals. But make progress every day.

Do everything you can for that inch. Keep getting more inches. Keep going and re-evaluating, then keep going some more. Pretty soon, all those inches will add up.

Imagine where you’ll be then.

Follow on my journey and learn more: http://chrisdconnors.com

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The test all of us must pass is that of living our truth. It’s a test we must keep passing each day. Emotional intelligence helps us to live an authentic life.

Are you ready for the test? It’s the same one that life keeps handing us each day. Some days, you may notice it more closely than others. Other times, it’s more subtle.

But it’s there. The test isn’t really a challenge that the world is going to see. Only you will know it. More than know it, you’ll feel it in your bones.

It will test your emotions, thoughts and even your physical well-being. When you feel its honesty, you’ll struggle to focus; you’ll tremble, not in fear, but in awe because you know it’s revealing your character and fortitude.

The test is going to determine whether you’re ready to pass or fail; sink or swim. It’s going to disclose whether you’re ready to survive and advance to the next level, even if you’re not even sure where that next level is yet.

The test seems to get harder and more intense when you’re getting closer to reaching the goals and dreams that you’ve always wanted.

The biggest mistake you can make is giving in to the temptation that it’s “too hard” — because then you will fail.

The test will break your will — if you let it.

You always have a choice. It’s never, ever too hard. It’s a matter of how prepared you are, and whether you have the imagination and persistence to tackle it with intelligence and grace.

The test will tempt you. It will aim to bend your spirit. To leave you flustered.

The test will not dare you to move. It will relish you staying put. Still. Hoping to stun you and get you to function from a position of fear.

The test will make life seem blurry. It can steal your clarity. Our best ideas never come during this time. Rather, the negative side of things is in crystal-clear view.

The test is deceptive and hidden, yet the more astutely you observe its patterns, the more you open your senses to revealing its true face.

The truth is — if we want to be who we know we can be, we’re going to need to pass this test many times in life. There’s always an opportunity for redemption.

There’s always another chance. It all depends on how your mind’s eye sees it. Peak performance and getting what you want doesn’t come overnight.

It comes with consistency, discipline and hard work. It is formed with a strategy that is rooted in faith.

At its core, is a depth of knowledge, hope and love that is pure and true. Its purity is rich with all that makes you unique, special and human.

All that is deep inside of you that is yearning to give freely.

LIFE IS A TEST

You will be tested over and over again.

It’s to determine how you’ll handle things emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically for when the really great opportunities come your way.

The test is less about proving and more about being. The test is there to help you sustain the gains you know you can achieve for when they come, so that you will never surrender them to the grip of defeat.

The test all of us must pass is that of living our truth. It’s a test we must keep passing each day.

It’s written in the stars. It’s in our DNA. It’s who we truly are. It’s called integrity.

When you’re there, with the sunlight shining on your face, you’re the only person in the world that truly knows how magical that feels. Own that moment like only you can.

It’s the moment you’ve stripped yourself bare and kept only that which matters most, and eliminated all that must be left behind.

Unfettered. Uncompromised. Free.

It is there that you can truly live your destiny. Time and time again.

Reach out to me if you're looking to take your life and career to its peak potential: http://chrisdconnors.com

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It’s incredible how many people are so afraid to begin again. To try something new. To (gasp) start over. For so many people, starting over means that we’ve failed. That we’ve lost time. It’s easy to think that starting over is an admission of guilt — an outcome that suggests we should start blaming and beating ourselves up over all of our transgressions, mistakes and efforts.

But why?

Starting over is not a bad thing. It may be the best move you ever make, particularly when you know in your heart you’re on the wrong track. But also, when life throws adversity and challenging circumstances our way.

Let’s face it — COVID-19 has dealt all of us a challenging hand. We must adapt and learn what we need to succeed in this ever-changing economy, or we will be left behind. The lessons to learn are all around us. They require that we change.

Because continuing doing the same thing, for the sake of comfort or fear of change, is further compounding a move in the wrong direction. Some of the most successful people we know today started over — and it made all the difference.

“Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it, begin it now.“ — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

From Teaching to Media

Jonah Peretti started out teaching high school computer science during the mid-90s for several years. He decided that he wanted to keep learning and try something new. Peretti attended graduate school at MIT and began growing and learning about new ideas. His big break came in a very odd way — an email that he sent to friends about a hilarious exchange with a Nike worker went viral and got him an appearance on NBC’s Today Show.

Peretti brought light to the sweatshop conditions that many Nike workers toil in. His move caught the eye of Ariana Huffington and Ken Lerer. Those three, along with Andrew Breitbart, went on to found the Huffington Post several years later — yes, the digital media news and opinion website that he later had a hand in selling to AOL for a staggering $315 Million.

But he wasn’t done there. Peretti moved on to found BuzzFeed, the Internet company that plays a massive role in the digital journalism world. He concentrated his energy into journalism and media, even after starting in a completely different career. He wanted something new, and he started from scratch, building for himself an incredible opportunity.

A New Business for Lawyers Who Had it All

Tim and Nina Zagat were highly successful corporate lawyers in the 1960s and ’70s, leading the lives of high-profile attorneys in New York City. While content practicing law, the two also shared a love of food and namely, fine restaurants. They later accepted jobs in Paris and started to frequent restaurants, offering up their critiques and using these to help guide them to future culinary options.

What started as a hobby (as it so often does) became an obsession and a great business idea. What about taking their passion for food and converting this into a business for a rating guide of restaurants? With that idea, a new venture was born. The Zagats started to concentrate their energy into scaling their new business and making millions of dollars in the process.

Their family, friends, colleagues and industry mates must have thought they were insane. Since when do Ivy Leaguers walk away from a lucrative, highly admired career to give something far less certain of a shot? Well as it turns out, the Zagat’s are who! And boy did it pay off. Chances are you’ve received a restaurant recommendation thanks to their easy-to-navigate guide.

Both the Zagat’s and Jonah Peretti decided to start over. They didn’t give up. They didn’t fail. They wanted to try something new and pursue their passion. They did it to the tune of millions and an incredible new career that was probably beyond even their wildest dreams.

Make Your Move

Whether it’s your career or a personal venture, the cost of staying stuck where you are when you know you’re on the wrong track can be incredibly damaging. This happens in personal relationships and jobs, and even when dealing with stress, anxiety or dissatisfaction with our physical appearance. Fear can cripple us if we let it, even when we know we’d be far better suited to starting over.

Sometimes, going in the direction of doing something dynamic and bold is right, even if we don’t yet know all the steps of how to get to that dream or goal. Go and take a shot, even if you don’t know how. I turn to Elon Musk in times like these: “When something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favour.”

Be willing to admit you’re on the wrong track. Don’t be afraid to change and learn something new, while still leaning on your skills. Be prepared to start over if you feel you have more significant, bolder challenges ahead of you. Don’t stay stuck. Move on and figure out what it will take to design the life you deserve.

Looking for more? Check out details on my books and consider subscribing to my newsletter where I share personal development resources with over 10,000 people every week.

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Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ultimate game-changer for living a happy, healthy and rewarding life because it is a skill set all of us can grow and attain. The beauty of EQ is that it’s all-inclusive and accessible to every one of us.

Like any skill worth improving, it’s something we must devote time to building.

Let’s first define what emotional intelligence is. Peter Salovey, the President of Yale University and John Mayer, say that it is the ability to:

“Recognize, understand and manage our own emotions. Recognize, understand and influence the emotions of others. In practical terms, this means being aware that emotions can drive our behavior and impact people (positively and negatively), and learning how to manage those emotions — both our own and others.”

This article will teach you how emotionally intelligent people recognize, understand and manage their emotions, as well as the emotions of others. As the author of an upcoming book on emotional intelligence, I’ve dedicated my life to studying how to use it, and helping organizations and leaders transform their personal and professional lives by leveraging its power.

I’ll show you how you can improve your emotional intelligence each day to live a happier and healthier life. Let’s first begin with self-awareness, a skill we can continuously work on and improve on our own.

They Have a Healthy Relationship With Self

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” — Aristotle

Self-awareness is the ability to understand ourselves, the way we feel, why we feel that way and to use that knowledge to continuously, learn, and improve. At its core — self-awareness is an intimate evolutionary process of self-discovery that elicits joy, pain, discomfort, curiosity and strength. Because getting to know yourself isn’t easy work — it’s hard, but always worth it.

Self-awareness helps you to discover your passion, values, purpose, mission and goals. It brings clarity and allows you to make sense of your past, present and future, all while you evolve as an analytical, reflective thinker. To give love, hope and joy to others, you first must know yourself and what you’re capable of giving. Self-awareness allows this magical work to take place.

Dr. Tasha Eurich puts forth:

“Leaders ”who focus on building both internal and external self-awareness, who seek honest feedback from loving critics, and who ask what instead of why can learn to see themselves more clearly — and reap the many rewards that increased self-knowledge delivers.”

How to improve self-awareness:

• Develop a mindfulness practice for 30 minutes each day to listen to your thoughts, analyze them and allow yourself to experience those emotions
• Determine the values that give meaning to your life (e.g. honesty, faith)
• Clarify what you want most out of life and why you feel that way
• Practice self-care and speak positive words of affirmation over your life

They Prioritize What’s Important

“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Happy and healthy people that live with high emotional intelligence are able to regulate their emotions and prioritize what is most important to them. The best visual representation I’ve ever seen of how to assess your wants and needs in life comes from the great Dr. Abraham Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” seen here:

Self-management is how you use self-awareness to help you manage your emotions and do so in a way that aligns with your values. It helps you to battle adversity and overcome limiting beliefs and barriers that stand in your way. It gives you the confidence and tools to plan your day in accordance with what you want to do to become happier, healthier and more productive.

How to prioritize what’s most important:

• Plan your day into time blocks; You don’t need to plan every minute; Group your time into categories that align with your values and goals
• Declare the things in your life that are essential (needs) and create a prioritized list of the things you value the most (this will allow you to place an emphasis on how you manage your time)
• Do the “Big Rocks” Activity:

Big Rocks= What are the most important parts of your day?

• (Possible Examples): Family time, writing, job presentation, learning, rest

Pebbles= What are the things that need to get done? The more urgent/necessary items?

• (Possible Examples): Work task; paying bills; writing a term paper

Sand= What are the “little pieces” that supplement your bigger ones?

• (Possible Examples): Planning; Helping team members; Professional Development

Water= What is the glue that holds it all together for you?

• (Possible Examples): Defined success & purpose; your values; knowing who you serve; why what you do matters

They Use Adversity to Improve

“You should never view your challenges as a disadvantage. Instead, it’s important for you to understand that your experience facing and overcoming adversity is actually one of your biggest advantages.” — Michelle Obama

Emotionally intelligent people are able to use adversity, challenges, mistakes, and failures as a fuel that powers them to greater growth and opportunity. Instead of living in fear, worry or insecurity, emotionally intelligent people embrace every circumstance of life and always live with a positive attitude and great work ethic.

There’s no avoiding adversity. We have to face it head-on, with confidence in our minds and courage in our hearts. Chances are, you have faced considerable adversity in your life. How are you handling it? Do you run away and hope it will blow over or do you face it head-on and resolve to change your circumstances? The answer will determine your happiness and health.

How to overcome adversity and use it for motivation:

• View every difficult circumstance as a challenge; use your self-awareness identify opportunities for you to grow and set goals to come out stronger
• Give yourself a daily “pep talk” that involves positive thoughts, affirmations and visualization of you doing things that make you happy
• Identify the fears you feel; ask yourself, how is this helping me?

They Have A Mastery of Their Emotions

“It is necessary to try to surpass one’s self always: this occupation ought to last as long as life.” — Queen Christina of Sweden

Self-management is how you use self-awareness to manage your emotions in a way that aligns with your values and beliefs. It helps you to battle adversity and overcome limiting beliefs and barriers that stand in your way. Thought and identification is the first step, but taking action to regulate your emotions is what leads to happiness and mental and emotional health.

I’m a big believer in “temperature checks” when it comes to regulating our emotions. Ask yourself the tough questions so you can properly assess how you’re doing: “What am I doing to confront fear?” “How did I handle myself in a work setting where I was confronted or challenged?” “Did I let my excitement distract me from getting done what I needed to do?”

How to manage your positive and negative emotions:

• Let your positive emotions like joy, love, gratitude and awe propel you forward and help you focus on your most important matters
• Prevent negative emotions like fear, anger and envy from ruining your day; instead, understand why you’re feeling this way so you can manage yourself with confidence and a level-head to be happy and healthy
• Visualize exactly how you’d like to respond to both positive and negative emotions and put this in writing for yourself. This will give you the recognition in each moment that will help you manage yourself

They Seek to Enrich Others Lives

“Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another and feeling with the heart of another.” — Alfred Adler

The saying, Do unto others as you would have them do unto you is The Golden Rule, and actually predates the time of Jesus Christ. It is thousands of years old and among the finest wisdom every given to the world. It’s benefited mankind in so many ways and stands the test of time because it is outward seeking and connection-forming.

It prompts us to take the position of someone else, to show that we care and that we’re willing to give them our time, attention and yes, even love. Empathy is: “The capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, i.e., the capacity to place oneself in another’s position.”

Self-awareness precedes empathy, so focus first on how you can help yourself. As they say, during a time of turbulence or danger on an airplane, you must reach for the mask for yourself first before you can help others. After you do, you can invest your time in others and show them that you care. You can lead with your heart and help bring joy, happiness and peace to someone’s life.

How to enrich someone else’s life:

• Be a good listener. Leave your own agenda at the door. Show them that you care by listening and putting yourself in their position
• Devote time and energy to do one kind act for someone else at least once per week; this is a great way to build relationships out of selfless love
• Help them learn something new or make a connection to someone that can help them achieve their goals

Remember:

We all have the power to improve emotional intelligence every day and grow this skill set and use it to our advantage. This is a power well within your control and it will help you become happier, more fulfilled and healthier.

• Work on the relationship you have with yourself every day and make it your masterpiece
• Make what’s most important to you the way you live your life
• Don’t let adversity stop you; let it fuel your path forward
• Become a master of managing your good and bad emotions so that the decisions you make are a product of your values and beliefs
• Make a point to improve the life of someone else each day

Learn more at http://chrisdconnors.com

Emotionally intelligent people are introspective thinkers that genuinely seek to do good and give back to the world. Their inner-life is filled with analytical, curious thoughts, authentic being, and a desire to give their gifts to the world. They care about other people and as a result, their actions are reflected in love, altruism, and social good.

A great example of an emotionally intelligent person is Gary Vaynerchuk. The man is a master of motivation, highly self-aware and compassionate. He’s growing his business, surely, but he’s also giving his knowledge to many entrepreneurs and future leaders. Clearly, he’s not only thinking about “what’s in it for him.” He’s thinking outward and giving to others.

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature.” — Marcus Aurelius

Another emotionally intelligent person is Sara Blakely, the billionaire entrepreneur and founder of Spanx. She's used her platform to promote equal opportunity for female entrepreneurs and businesswomen. She knows herself well, is highly self-motivated, and thanks to her great business background, very able to handle adversity. She’s confident and comfortable in her own skin.

I thought it would be helpful to phrase this post in terms of things that emotionally intelligent people don’t think. Our thought life regulates and influences our emotions and thus, our actions. So, as a result, it’s important to eliminate negative, harmful thoughts. Here are three negative thoughts emotionally intelligent people don’t have:

“I’m So Overwhelmed I Don’t Know What to Do”

An emotionally intelligent person is able to “slow the game down” and self-manage their anxiety so that it doesn’t harm them. This is not to suggest they don’t experience stress. All of us do and none of us are immune to it. They’re able to process these emotions, understand they aren’t helpful, and focus on what is most fulfilling for their lives.

Emotionally intelligent people are able to recognize, understand, and manage their emotions in a way that enables them to keep going with confidence and courage.

One way to slow down aggressive, anxious thoughts is to quiet your mind by spending time in solitude. Using an app like Insight Timer or Headspace to practice mindfulness and meditation is a great start. You can listen to calming, soothing music. Speaking positive words of affirmation will help you in times of crisis. Don’t fall victim to feeling overwhelmed.

Realize how empowering it is that you have control over your thoughts, words, and actions. When you know what you want and the way this makes you feel, you’re best informed to live each day with joy and confidence.

“Nurture your soul with positive thoughts and internal happiness will blossom before your eyes.” Melanie Koulouris

“I Don’t Even Know Myself”

Think of self-awareness like this: it’s the art of knowing yourself. So, how do you know yourself? You get clear on what you’re passionate about — what lights the fire inside of you and motivates you to live the life you want. You have a bedrock foundation of values and principles like honesty and discipline.

You have a purpose that gives you clarity about what you want to do. This purpose is informed by the basics of knowing yourself and being clear about who you are — and who you’re not. Emotionally intelligent people get to know their actions in an intimate way. They don’t live in despair about past mistakes, failures, or frustrations.

They don’t live a frustrated life by not even understanding their true self.

Emotionally intelligent people live in the present with a clear mind focused on achieving goals and living with a positive attitude and persistence. They practice self-care and know exactly what motivates and inspires them, as well as what is in their best interest. They know how important it is to figure out who they are and what they want.

Remember, happiness doesn’t depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely upon what you think. — Dale Carnegie

“I Don’t Care About Anyone Else”

The antithesis of empathy is a focus only on ourselves with a lack of care and concern — both for ourselves and for our fellow woman and man. Self-centered thinking defies an open-minded, authentic approach to living. Empathy, at its core, is a willingness to take the position of another person and identify with their emotions and feelings.

If we’re only focused on ourselves, we’re unable to do that.

If you only want to stay focused on yourself with no regard for your neighbor, friends, or colleagues, then you’ll find life to be very challenging. We live in an interdependent world where our success, happiness, and fulfillment lie in our ability to build relationships and create opportunities with others.

Empathy means that we must listen and give our attention to others in an effort to lift them up. This investment in another person is well worth it.

Remember — self-awareness, empathy, and self-management are the keys to living an emotionally intelligent life. Adapting to change and finding the motivation each day to live your best life will help you avoid the negatives.

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